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Advice for more patience with children?
I love my kids and we have alot of fun. I plan all kinds of activities to keep them busy. They get there down time too. I feel myself wanting to escape though. I get so irritated by the constant bickering and chattiness they exude. I am looking for suggestions to increase my patience. I feel so guilty wanting them to just hush sometimes. Between the two of them the only quiet time is when bedtime rolls aroun even then they get out of bed for consistently for at least an hour. Please help!
They are 3 and 4. A boy and a girl. I know this feeling is common but it makes me awful. I wouldn’t be able to actually be away from them for more than a few hours. I am up at 2 in the morn just for down time. What is the best way to releive the stress that builds up.
Hi – I think maybe we’ve all been there at some point or another!
The first thing about your message that stood out for me was when you said that you get up at 2 in the morning to have some quiet time for yourself . . . . . huh?! Does this mean that you are tired during the day? Because, from experience, the more tired you are, the more likely you are going to have a lower tolerance threshold for noise and general little kid exuberant behaviour . . .and the more likely you are to lose patience with them.
Are you a single parent? If so, then is there someone who might be able to offer a few hours of care for you, every now and then. Do your kids go to nursery or any kind of care away from you, even for a couple of hours a week? Do you have any friends who might be able to take them to the park or have them round to play? If you have a partner, how much time does the partner spend with the children?
I’m asking all of these questions because the way you are feeling at the moment, although common to mothers around the world, has prompted you to ask us all here and I am worried that you might feel that, at the moment, it’s all got on top of you more so than usual. Sometimes, if we feel really overwhelmed, it could be the start of a spell of minor depression and so to get it sorted out asap would be beneficial to all of you. If you *are* parenting alone, it can be very isolating so that’s why I was wondering if you have any thing in place where the children can go for a couple of hours whilst you ‘rebalance’ yourself.
With regards to wanting some quiet time – have you heard of Relax Kids? These are little CDs of quiet, reflective meditations for children – often used in nurseries, schools, etc etc. They are GREAT and have worked brilliantly with our daughter. They are themed; superheroes, princesses, nature, etc and each meditation (more of a relaxing story, really) lasts for about 5 minutes so they are great to put on when things are getting a bit hectic! Great for parents, too, I might add! Just lie on a mat on the floor, or on the sofa, and concentrate on the story. Find out more here: www.relaxkids.com
If you are counting down the moments until bedtime because you are exhausted and need them to be asleep so that you can get some headspace, and then your kids keep jumping out of bed, I know it can be maddening. I have found that the key to a stress-free bedtime is to remain calm on the outside even if that’s not how you feel on the inside. This takes practice! We usually have a warm bath followed by 3 stories, sitting huggled up in bed together and then sometimes, I put on a story CD or a Relax Kids CD for them to fall asleep to. This is all done over a time period of about 3/4 – 1 hr as I feel that they need to wind down slowly after what is usually a busy day. I explain to them that I have jobs to do downstairs and that they need to snuggle down and get some sleep because they have XYZ to look forward to tomorrow. This usually works; they are so relaxed and cosy by this time and because I have kept my voice slow, soft and calm and the lights are low, they are pretty sleepy. They are also feeling safe and loved – something I am sure they don’t always feel when I have got cross with them and been snappy and yelling! A child that feels all safe and cosy is more likely to drop off to sleep than one who’s just been shouted at to get back into bed for the 10th time!
Maybe there is more information behind the message you posted but remember, us Mother’s are pre-programmed to feel guilty and we are very good at beating ourselves up if we don’t think we are doing a good job. More than ever, we feel under scrutiny by others and so it makes our job harder. But you don’t say that your kids are fighting or being really naughty so I would suggest that perhaps you are in need of doing something for YOURSELF to reclaim the person you were before being a mother – it sounds like you are very dedicated to your children but maybe feel that you have lost a little bit of yourself along the way . . . . if you are able to find this and create a balance between doing all the things you want to do for and with your kids but also finding some time in the day to do something just for you, I think you will find you are a lot more relaxed and you will get to enjoy family life that little bit more.
Don’t beat yourself up about it – we ALL feel like this at one time or another!
Very best wishes!
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